I swear, the longer I'm around people, the less I understand them. I'm not trying to complain or be judgmental, not at all. It's just strange. I don't think of myself as a brave person, or an adventurous one, or a strong or fearless one. Quite the opposite—I very frequently find myself to be paranoid, terrified, anxious, weak. But my fears seem so not akin to those of my roommates or of the three other girls on the program who live in the apartment across the street. And maybe it's just that I'm often perceived as an Indian boy rather than an American girl, or that I've been abroad a few times before, or that I've taken more Arabic, and maybe in fact I am having a completely different experience in Cairo than they are because of those things. Who knows. But people keep making statements like they wouldn't feel comfortable walking down the street by themselves, or they assume that random men who followed them for a bit are going to be waiting outside the apartment to attack them later, or they're freaked out by letting the doorman and a couple of potential buyers look around the apartment, or they're uncomfortable sitting in the passenger seat of a taxi, or they're uncomfortable hailing a non-metered taxi, or ... just, that sort of thing, you know? And on the flip side of the fear that I don't share is their level of tense enthusiasm, which I also can't match. How everyone was SO PSYCHED to ride a camel and see the pyramids, or SO OVERWHELMED by wandering around the souq, or SO TERRIFIED of crossing the street. It just feels like I'm having an entirely, irreconcilably different experience here than any of them, and it's weird and a little isolating. Am I missing out on something? I don't know. Oh well.
Maybe this is part of why I'm more drawn to the program directors/staff/faculty than to the other students? Maybe. Among other things. But we'll see. Ughhhhh classes start at 8:10 tomorrow morning. Good night.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
I beg to differ, my dear! i think you are indeed strong of mind, and quite courageous for diving in head first into these diverse overseas experiences without any hesitation-that sure takes a lot of courage and self confidence. Your enriched perspective on things and places are shaped by these diverse experiences and you are all the better for it. Clearly then, your view of these places and people are going to be very different than your peers who have not had this experience. I think you should feel very good about yourself because your previous experience enables you to better appreciate the world around you. I would not call it being isolated and I am pretty sure that you are not missing out on anything of real value. So, keep your chin up and enjoy life.
ReplyDelete